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       ----- JOB   DESCRIPTIONS  IN   HELP   WANTED   ADS -----
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    YOUTHFUL WORK ENVIRONMENT:  chewing gum is "on the house"
    STABLE WORK ENVIRONMENT:    Nobody's been promoted for years
    FLEXIBLE HOURS:             get here by eight and you can go home
                                 anytime after six
    EXEMPT POSITION:            you don't get paid for overtime; no
                                 bonus plan either
    SALARY COMMENSURATE WITH EXPERIENCE:   unless you have too much
                                            experience
    TOTAL RESPONSIBILITY:       it's a one person department, and you're it
    TAKE-CHARGE PERSON:         if anything goes wrong, it's your fault
    SUBURBAN, CAMPUSLIKE SETTING:  seven miles to the nearest McDonald's
    MIDTOWN LOCATION:           hard to drive to, no place to park
    DOWNTOWN LOCATION:          wear your flak jacket to karate lessons at
                                 lunch
    IMMEDIATE OPENING:          the deadbeat you'll replace has already been
                                 fired
    OPPORTUNITY TO ADVANCE:     your new boss will be the next one to go
    LINE POSITION:              your butt is on it
    REQUIRES GOOD WORK HABITS:  have you ever had an original thought?
    PART TIME:                  eight hours a day, no benefits
    FULL TIME:                  24 hours a day
    SOME EVENING WORK REQUIRED: graveyard shift
    FAST-PACED:                 temporarily understaffed
    GROWTH COMPANY:             perpetually understaffed
    FAST-TRACK POSITION:        watch your back
    RAPIDLY EXPANDING:          everyone is too new to know what they're doing
    CREATIVE:                   make it up as you go along
    AMBITIOUS:                  help push your new boss up the ladder
    SOME TRAVEL REQUIRED:       do you own stock in an airline ?
    40% TRAVEL:                 "Mommy, who is that ?"
    INTERNATIONAL TRAVEL:       can you say "diarrhea" in nine languages ?
    ENTRY LEVEL:                it'll be good experience, kid
    QUALIFIED CANDIDATES ONLY:  if you understand the acronyms in the ad, call
    EXPERIENCE REQUIRED:        ever held a job ?
    DEGREE REQUIRED:            how long will you wait to be rewarded for your
                                 efforts ?
    SEND SALARY HISTORY:        how cheap will you work ?
    EXISTING OPPORTUNITY:       how's your blood pressure ?

    HIGH  VISIBILITY  POSITION:     "S C A P E   G O A T"

    LEADERSHIP POSITION:        drill sergeant
    MUST BE GOOD WITH PEOPLE:   you'll be making telephone solicitations
    KEYBOARDING SKILLS A PLUS:  you'll be a typist
    EXECUTIVE:                  you'll be a salesperson
    SALESMAN:                   you'll be a salesperson - no leads furnished
    SALES MANAGER:              you'll be a salesperson with a bad territory
    ULTIMATE OPPORTUNITY:       you'll be an all-commission salesperson with
                                 a bad territory
    NO COLD CALLS:              you'll be making telephone solicitations
    MUST BE WELL-ORGANIZED:     you'll be working in a three-foot-square
                                 cubicle
    NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS:    we're have a paper-recycling drive
    MAIL APPLICATIONS ONLY, NO PHONE CALLS:    are you desperate ?
    MUST HAVE GOOD TELEPHONE PERSONALITY:      star in your own 900 number!
    RISK/RETURN CONSCIOUS:      wimp
    BOTTOM-LINE CONSCIOUS:      cheapskate
    HANDS-ON MANAGER:           you'll be doing the work yourself
    CLOSE-KNIT TEAM:            12 people, six desks
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